


Strangers in a Strange Land - Redux

by Fortune_Maiden



Category: Samurai Warriors, Warriors Orochi, 美男高校地球防衛部LOVE! | Binan Koukou Chikyuu Bouei-bu LOVE!
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Humor, crackfic, originally a tumblr prompt, originally written July 2015, reposting from Tumblr to have it somewhere that's not Tumblr, to introduce Wombat the Love Freak to the guy in the Love helmet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-07 02:42:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14661645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fortune_Maiden/pseuds/Fortune_Maiden
Summary: Wombat meets the Honor Trio.





	1. Side: Wombat

**Author's Note:**

> A short Boueibu/Samurai Warriors (or rather WO3) crossover crackfic.
> 
> (Takes place in the WO3 verse at the start of Ch 3, because WO3 has everyone gathered in one convenient place, and we can say Yumoto and Wombat are here because Orochi did it :D)
> 
> ~~I am so sorry!~~

This wasn’t Binan High School.

Yumoto looked around the area carefully. It was funny; one minute he was sure he was at school, and the next he was in a huge open campsite. All around him were oddly dressed men and women carrying weapons of all sorts, and paying no mind to him. Some of them were training, some of them were chatting, and some were just walking around aimlessly. There was a heavy atmosphere in the air, but the gravity of it was lost on Yumoto who could only wonder where it was he wound up.

Beside him, Wombat hesitantly put a paw forward. Neither of them asked the dreaded “Where are we?” because it was clear that neither of them knew the answer. They only shared a look and prepared to take their first steps around this strange camp.

Or rather, Yumoto would have taken his first step, but at that moment, he felt something soft brush against his ankle. He looked down.

There was a cat at his feet.

* * *

It was the symbol of Love!

Wombat’s eyes sparkled when he saw it. It was regrettable that he’d lost Yumoto somewhere along the way, but the boy would turn up sooner or later. _This_ needed to be investigated immediately!

Wombat had long ago accepted the fact that there was none on Planet Earth as dedicated to Love as him. Yumoto was alright most of the time, but the rest of his Battle Lovers cared more themselves than their noble goal of spreading love throughout the world.

But this white-robed man before him was different. His passion for Love was so great he wore it on his head. The huge golden kanji adorning the helmet was like a pure onsen, purifying all of Wombat’s built up cynicism.

“Who are you?” the man with the Love helmet asked in a booming voice, looking down on the pink alien.

Wombat didn’t even bother hiding his identity.

“Greeting, I am—

* * *

It was the ugliest cat he had ever seen.

Mitsunari, a man not known for his patience, stared at the pink… _thing_ in Kanetsugu’s arms with his eye twitching. He wasn’t even sure if it was a cat. The shape was mostly correct, but it’s large gray nose made him wonder. More importantly though, the pink cat-thing was talking, and neither Kanetsugu nor Yukimura had a problem with that.

No quite the opposite. Not only did they fail to see anything strange about a talking cat, they were actively _conversing_ with it. Loudly. Mitsunari had heard Kanetsugu’s booming voice, giving one of the usual Love and Honor sermons, from the other end of the camp, where he was _trying_ to serve his Lord some tea. When he’d tracked him down to shut him up, he discovered Yukimura already there, listening in rapt fascination… to the pink thing.

“Explain this one again,” Mitsunari demanded.

“Mitsunari!” Kanetsugu exclaimed enthusiastically. “This is ×＠▲＊■×, a man who truly possesses deep Love in his heart!” He held up the cat-thing, which waved proudly. _In what way is that a man_ , Mitsunari grumbled mentally.

“×＠▲＊■×-dono was educating us on the matter of Love,” Yukimura added with a trusting smile.

Mitsunari felt his headache worsen. “And none of this is even slightly weir—wait how are you even pronouncing that?”

“With Love, of course! Join us Mitsunari! It would be good for you!” Kanetsugu continued.

“I refuse. And don’t you fools have work you should be doing?”

“This is training,” Kanetsugu replied happily.

“Training.”

“We are training our souls for the battles ahead,” Yukimura explained. Mitsunari glared at Kanetsugu and the pink thing, wondering which of them fed him that line. Neither of their faces betrayed anything.

“Naoe-san and Sanada-san are truly pure at heart. I am deeply touched to meet such wonderful people,” the pink thing sounded like it would start crying from the sheer emotion. It only made Mitsunari want to chuck it out of the camp even more.

Before he could even try though, a new voice suddenly cried out, “Wom-san, there you are!” and a young boy in a strange white and red outfit ran up to them. He stopped in front of Kanetsugu with his hands on his hips. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Oh wow, Mister, cool helmet! What does it say?”

“Love!”

“Wow, really? That’s amazing! Wom-san look, he has a Love helmet!”

“Yes, I know. This man is Naoe Kanetsugu-san, a true ally of Love!”

“Who is this child?” Mitsunari interrupted.

“This is Hakone Yumoto-san,” the pink thing (Wom?) answered. “He is one of my Battle Lovers.”

“Ah, I see.”

“Truly noble!”

Kanetsugu and Yukimura nodded thoughtfully. Mitsunari just stared.

“Excuse me?”

“Battle Lovers!” Yumoto said, and whirled around with a cocky smile. “We are the heirs to the…”

He trailed off. His large bright red eyes widened as he got a good look at the person he was speaking too. Or more specifically, those eerily innocent eyes locked onto Mitsunari’s own helmet.

His large, fluffy helmet.

Mitsunari was not what one would call a honed warrior. His mind was sharp, but his physical abilities, and by extension, warrior instincts were fairly lacking. Yet, as he looked into the strange boy’s eyes, he felt an increasing sense of primal fear. Every one of his newly awakened instincts told him he was the kid’s prey and needed to get away immediately. 

Mitsunari took a step back. Yumoto took a step forward.

Mitsunari ran.

* * *

Sakon liked to think he was a good retainer. He was good at reading his stubborn Lord’s moods, and, more importantly, he kept him alive in battles.

When he heard Mitsunari’s anguished yell, he immediately left his poker game (which he was winning) to go to his Lord’s aid. He ran with the speed of a demon, sword ready to slice whomever dared to harm his master.

And yet, when he’d finally reached the scene, all of those protective urges disappeared. He pushed his way through the amused crowd, and snorted.

Mitsunari lay on his stomach on the ground, flailing like a fish and muttering some rather colorful obscenities (Sakon couldn't help but wonder where he’d learned them). But his Lord was the less interesting sight. On top of him lay some kid, his arms wrapped tightly around Mitsunari’s helmet and his face rubbing against it. The kid looked really pleased with himself.

The onlookers (including Kanetsugu and some fat pink cat in his arms), all watched the scene snickering. Most of them were cheering on the kid, and the rest were teasing Mitsunari. Sakon shook his head, planted his sword into the ground, and crouched down beside his Lord.

“Well my Lord, seems you’re a bit pinned down here,” he joked.

“Sakon! Remove this wild creature from my person at once,” Mitsunari snapped.

Sakon glanced at the boy and clicked his tongue in disapproval. “Really, my Lord. The boy is half your size. I know you’re not the most active, but I didn’t think you were in this poor of a shape.”

“I’m not! He’s stronger than he looks,” Mitsunari snapped. “Faster too. And stop arguing, you’re Lord is under attack here!”

“Is he? It looks to me like you’re just being cuddled.”

“Do something.”

Sakon was a good retainer—really. And a great strategist. His loyal strategic mind told him there was only one solution to this dilemma.

“My Lord, have you thought about removing your helmet?”

Even pinned down by the apparently strong child, Mitsunari still found the maneuverability to attempt to smack Sakon with his fan.

Nearby, Kanetsugu and his new pink pet continued to observe the scene.

“Yes, good Mitsunari! Finally, you’re making friends,” Kanetsugu cheered.

His pet looked at Mitsunari with sympathy in his eyes.


	2. Side: Yumoto

Hanbei yawned, paying no heed to the mewling cats outside his tent, and stuffed a few papers into his sleeve before stretching upwards. The information given by their latest recruits helped him put together a coherent enough picture of their current situation, but there were still a lot of gaps he was counting on the scouting party to fill. Until then, he intended to take a well-earned nap. If anyone needed him, they could go pester Kanbei.

As soon as he stepped out though, he became aware that mixed in with the cats was someone unfamiliar. A young-looking boy with blond hair, red eyes and an odd white and red costume. Anyone else might have been taken aback by the sudden appearance, but Hanbei’s quick mind put together several explanations to the sight before him, and none of them were pleasant.

_Another weird one_ , he sighed and wondered if he could pretend he saw nothing and just go take his nap. But no, as one of the leaders of their army (troublesome job that it was), inducting all of the new guys to their coalition and explaining the current situation was one of his tasks.

First he took in the boy’s appearance. Hanbei looked about the same age as him, but looks were deceiving and just about no one in their group was the age they appeared to be. Yet his bright innocent eyes and the way he played with the cats made him appear as pure as his white clothes. Was he supposed to be a warrior? Did he even have a weapon? Was he even aware that Hanbei had entered his space so brazenly?

He was aware (at least), for he suddenly looked up with his innocent eyes and smiled brightly. Hanbei quickly realized that wherever this kid was from, it was a quiet peaceful era, which would make this a bigger pain than it was already going to be.

“Hi,” the boy spoke up. “Are these cats yours?” He was cradling one of them in his arms. A few others were brushing against him, the traitors.

“No, they’re strays,” Hanbei answered calmly. “They hang out here ‘cause I feed them.” When he remembered, anyway. “Where did you come from?”

“Binan High School.”

“Where’s that?”

“It’s the school on the big hill,” the boy’s attention was on the cats while he spoke. “Wom-san and I were hanging out, and then poof, we’re here. We got separated though.”

So there was another one running around camp. Well, Hanbei supposed getting them together would make explaining things easier. Plus it would give him the chance to befriend the kid and learn his story.

“Alright, gotcha,” Hanbei smiled. “Well, don’t worry, I’ll help you find your friend. What does he look like?”

The kid’s smile grew. “Wom-san’s a pink wombat. Well, actually he’s an alien, but he looks like a wombat so we call him that. His real name’s unpronounceable.”

Hanbei stared. Even Masanori after a night (or day) of heavy drinking made a bit more sense than this. He didn’t let any of his confusion show though.

“A wombat… you say?”

“Yep,” the boy said. Then he seemed to notice the confusion and frowned. “Oh have you never seen one? He kinda looks like a cat only much bigger and fatter and he has a large gray nose. And he’s pink, so I guess that’s pretty telling.”

“Yes,” Hanbei agreed wearily and scratched the back of his head in confusion. This was going to be a bit more difficult than he realized. Finding a cat (even a pink one) in their ever-growing camp was going to be like looking for a needle in a haystack. And Hanbei was getting the feeling that he wouldn’t be able to leave the kid alone either. Where was everyone when he suddenly needed them?

The boy seemed really content playing with the cats though, so that was a start.

“Alright, tell you what,” Hanbei said calmly. “How about you stay here and play with the cats for a bit, and I’ll go get my friend to help us out. Cats love him.” It wasn’t a total lie, though said friend would insist it was.

The boy nodded, and despite the unease, Hanbei turned his back on him.

It only took him a minute to find Kanbei and learn why that had been a terrible idea.

* * *

In another part of the camp, Kai and Kunoichi had declared a temporary truce to their bickering and decided to bond and gossip over tea. Naturally, snacks accompanied the tea and it looked like a nice little picnic between two close friends.

The tranquility was interrupted though by the unfamiliar boy who appeared to be staring fixated at them from behind a tree.

“Hold it right there!” Kai finally jumped up in annoyance. “Do you think that just because you’re new to this camp that peeping will go unpunished?”

“Way to immediately go on the offensive,” Kunoichi rolled her eyes, but she too glared in the direction of the peeping tom.

“I wasn’t peeping,” the boy replied holding his hands up in surrender. “Just… those snacks…”

“What about them?” Kai asked.

“They look really good!”

Now that he had stepped closer, Kai could see how young and innocent he looked. A cute little kid, really.

“Is that all?” she relaxed. “Well come on then, you’re welcome to join us.”

That was all the prodding needed, for the boy immediately took a seat beside the bowl of snacks and happily dug in. Kunoichi poured him a cup of tea as well, but he ignored it.

“Poor thing must have been starving,” Kunoichi noted.

“He must have been through a lot,” Kai agreed. “But don’t you worry, kiddo. If you need anything, Hojo’s #1 Beauty Kai will help you out!”

“Okay,” the kid agreed happily. He looked Kai over in approval. “You were so cool Onee-san!”

“O-oh?” Kai blushed.

“Huh?” Kunoichi blanched.

“Yeah, when you jumped like that and shouted “Hold it right there!”,” the kid jumped up to imitate Kai’s earlier pose, “I got goosebumps!”

“Oh, um, you know, that’s just how I am,” Kai twirled a strand of her hair absently, trying to hide her grin. Kids these days were so well mannered!

“Oh no you don’t, Lady Lumberjack!” Kunoichi retorted, “He’s like ten!” The kid seemed to perk up at the word Lumberjack, but the girls ignored that.

“Shut up, I’m allowed to appreciate a compliment aren’t I?” Kai grinned at the kid and nudged the bowl of sweets closer to him. “Go on.” Kai was good at noticing when people had something else to say, especially when that something else was compliments.

The boy continued (eating, that is). “You must be really strong too! My heart started pounding like crazy when you yelled at me!”

“Great, a masochist,” Kunoichi grumbled.

“You’re just like my brother!”

Kai’s smile froze on her face. Kunoichi looked up, suddenly curious.

“Your… brother…” Kai repeated the words slowly.

Sensing the opportunity to talk about his beloved sibling and completely missing Kunoichi’s muffled snickers, he continued with great enthusiasm.

“Uh-huh! He’s really strong and manly and he also chops wood so…Onee-san? What’s wrong?”

Kunoichi knew a moment to ninja away when she saw one. As she wiped tears from her eyes, she gave a silent prayer that the little brat would survive the manly Bear Princess’ wrath.

* * *

It took far too long for Kunoichi to make her report sound coherent enough between all the side splitting laughter, but at least Kanbei was able to learn more from her than Lady Kai’s demonic mumbling.

“So that’s that then,” Hanbei sighed dramatically, “He ate all your sweets and then you scared him off.”

“The Bear Princess scared him off, not me.” Kunoichi shrugged unapologetically.

“Never mind that,” Kanbei glared at her. “Where did he go?”

“That, I don’t know,” Kunoichi said. “He was like a white blur when he ran off! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a ninja that fast before!”

“I don’t think he’s a ninja, but that’s good to know,” Hanbei said. “Speaking of ninjas, I have a job for you.”

“Yes?”

“Find Lady Nene and have her report to us.”

“Oho? What are you up to?”

“You'll see,” Hanbei replied and didn't offer up anything else. Kunoichi sighed but didn’t prod further. She just shook her head and disappeared in a blur of her own.

And soon as she was gone, Hanbei’s face fell. “That kid’s turning out to be really something. And we still haven’t seen any sign of the mysterious pink wombat.”

“You seem more disappointed about the latter,” Kanbei said. “The ninja’s words concern me though. Could he be an enemy spy?”

“With those eyes, no way,” Hanbei dismissed the theory immediately. “You haven’t seen him Lord Kanbei. The only blood that kid ever spilled was his own from a scraped knee.”

“You seem quite sure about this.”

“I’m always sure,” Hanbei retorted. “That’s why I want Lady Nene to take care of him. It’ll be win-win. She’ll have someone to mother, and he’ll have someone looking out for him.”

“And if he does turn out to be an enemy ninja, we’ll deal with him accordingly.”

“He isn’t though,” Hanbei remarked. “Come on, let’s keep looking.”

At that moment, a loud yell sounded from the other end of camp. All heads turned in the direction of the yell, except Kanbei and Hanbei’s.

“That sounded like Mitsunari,” Kanbei stated calmly.

“So it did,” Hanbei agreed.

* * *

Hanbei burst out laughing as soon as he reached the scene and even Kanbei couldn’t suppress a tiny smirk.

It didn’t look like Mitsunari would make any progress in the art of the freeing himself anytime soon, and the kid didn’t look like he intended to let go of the fluffy helmet either. There hadn’t been anything this entertaining in the camp since the drunken sword dance.

“You know, on second thought, I don’t think we need Lady Nene after all,” Hanbei’s smiled proudly, kneeling down beside Mitsunari, “Mitsunari, seeing as you two already bonded, I’m putting you in charge of this kid’s welfare. Don’t let me down.”

“L-Lord Hanbei! I refuse! This is—this is…” Hanbei’s attention strayed to the pink cat in Kanetsugu’s arms.

“Oh, so that’s it,” his eyes lit up.

“What?” Kanbei’s attention was also on the pink thing.

“The wombat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it this far (for whatever reason), Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this on Tumblr years ago, and recently found it again so I decided to post it here just to have it on hand. It's a silly crackfic, but I actually like how it turned out overall! (it also gets the dubious honor of probably being my only solo crossover fic)
> 
> Title comes from the WO3 'Redux' stages & the fact that this was posted shortly after Ch 2 of 'Through the Looking Glass' so my ~~excuse~~ justification for this story is that the mirror took Yumoto and Wombat here instead of the Lackluster verse :P


End file.
